fertility friday: our ttc story...

As I am sitting here 5DPO I'm trying to do anything to not think about the possible little nut.ter butter growing...I did realize though that I never put our ttc story on my blog. When I first started my blog I sent it to all my family and friends hoping that they would read it...well they did, but then I stopped posting very often so most of them stopped reading...I still have a few that read it {hey y'all} but they are ones that know Gene & I really well and I'm perfectly fine with them knowing our story {since most know about it anyway}.

So after Hurricane Ike hit in September 2008, we had to live a couple days without power...I was a stressball...I couldn't remember when the last time I had a period...I was nauseous...I felt weird. I thought I was pregnant.  I told Gene I thought I was...his face was priceless. Those of you who know us know that Gene was pretty much anti-kids. Not against kids per-se, he just didn't think he would ever want any. I thought we weren't going to have kids of our own {though adoption had pretty much always been on the table for him}. He was beyond thrilled at the idea. I honestly had no clue how babies were really made {seriously, don't laugh, but until I read TCOYF I didn't realize the window was so small...I grew up with the whole if a boy looks at you cross-eyed you'll get knocked up} Well I POAS probably 10 times not accepting that I wasn't actually pregnant. I used Dr. Google to assure me I was. Well I went to my OB to talk to her about thinking I was pregnant and to get checked out. She basically was rude and essentially thought I was crazy to think I was. She told me I wasn't I bawled. Seriously bawled. She looked at me like I was an alien. She told me to start trying and it would happen.

So heartbroken I called Gene from the car. I told him I was ready to try and he agreed. I think that the idea of us actually having a baby made him realize too how much he wanted one. We decided to try. I bought TCOYF on one of my awesome friend's recommendation...I read it cover-to-cover in a day...absorbing...realizing I was so clueless. So we set out to get pregnant.

In November 2008 I was late. I will always remember it because I was 3 days late and we were at Gene's parents for Thanksgiving...I had POAS and had a very faint positive. I POAS on Thanksgiving morning while we were there and again...very faint. We didn't want to get our hopes up, but I was excited. Through the weekend still no AF...However that Sunday night there was something on my toilet paper. Something weird I had never seen before....I was afraid but knew...the next day AF showed up...but I never went and confirmed but I always was afraid that I did have a m/c...I don't know for sure and honestly I tried not to think about it too much so I wouldn't get too discouraged.

A few years before my grandma did the whole needle and thread thing on me...I know most people don't believe it...but honestly she had an astounding record of predicting the baby's sexes. She did it to me and the first one she told me would be a miscarriage of twins...I guess that always kinda prepared me  it happening...and kinda why I hope/pray that it was. I know that sounds weird and you might get mad at me for it, but I want this next baby to stick.

Ok, back to the story...we tried again in December, but I don't think our timing was great....so no go again...Then all hell broke loose in my life. I started my last "real" semester of school...I was taking 15 credit hours and working a more than 40 hour a week job. I was insane yes. The second school stopped I told Gene no more. I couldn't handle it...the added pressure of the 2ww, actually having to do bd'ing, everything. It was too much.  We still would BD occasionally, but honestly not much.

This next part most of my real friends don't know...I'm putting it out there cause honestly I have to. I have to write it for me. From January till May I was in full blown mega-b*tch mode. I was. I don't know how/why Gene put up with me. Still to this day I have no clue. I was mean. Everything he did aggravated me. I annoyed him I am sure. We had many heart-to-hearts but nothing changed. I honestly was scared.  We had been married 10 years and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Paula gave me the best words of advice and I give this to all of my friends now...if you are in times of great stress/pressure, wait. Seriously I had to promise myself that I would NOT make any major life changes till September {I wasn't officially done with school till July 2nd}. Otherwise I would probably have made some major mistakes in my life. Seriously.

Anyway, I got off track. Things got so much better after I was done with May...kinda like a honeymoon period again though we didn't start TTC yet...I still had one last INSANE class to take in June. June things went crazy again. Everything went crazy. I will tell you that when July 2nd hit I never knew a relief greater.

We finally got to get completely back on track in July...it was great to be back in sync...It took us a couple months though to get back in swing TTC though. I think we both were a little afraid of the "rough" patch we went through and wanted to make sure we were "stable" again. We did start TTC full force in September...though our efforts kept having lots of issues. My aunt died, I got sick, Gene got sick, my cousin's baby was in the hospital, etc. Things kept having to keep us from bd'ing when we were supposed to. It was so frustrating, but honestly I know it happened for a reason {as much as it hurts not to be pregnant yet}.

This month was the first month since November 2008 that we actually were diligent about BD'ing and making sure we hit my fertile period. I bought a nifty app...I temped...I used OPKs...watched CM...everything I could think to make this happen this month. I am hopeful but not going to put my all my hopes in this...I know it's our first real month in a long time that we did everything right.

So there's our TTC story in a nutshell...Sorry that it's so long, but I don't know how to tell a short story apparently.