Monday night I was heading home and posted on my facebook how much I loved having the kids {I know they are really teens, but they are still kids} to come home too...then someone posted this...
I just stared at that comment. I don't understand why someone would say that...Ever. I guess for people who never struggled with infertility doesn't understand that just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't WANT kids. I get it. I have to give a HUGE thank you to Womb Warrior for her fabulous comment :)
I can totally relate. Never occured to me that I could just have kids, though. hmm. *hugs!*
Thanks to my other TTC friends too who helped me get over such a crazy comment...
I guess the story could have ended there...but I thought ok - well maybe she just doesn't get/understand that we *want* kids. So I messaged her just to give her the "heads up" thinking she might rethink her comment to me and possibly someone else in the future...instead, I got this response.
Wow. There are no words for what she responded to me. Even now I just stare at it in awe. I haven't responded to her. I am NOT responding to her. I just don't know what to say. I am speechless...which for me is saying a LOT! I know she means well...but still...wow. Clearly we need to just only have sex every 2 weeks so we can save up our sperm. Wow. Maybe THAT is what we were doing wrong...and not relaxing. Flipping A.
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so an update on where I'm at cycle wise...I am on CD12 waiting for the big O to happen..which can be sometime between Sunday and next Sunday depending on my stress. I will say the kids are keeping me less stressed...but with them in the house it's weird to BD...
26 comments:
So I had someone say basically the same thing to me once and I said I see how you can think that would solve all my problems but i actually have something wrong with me that relaxing and abstaining from sex cannot help. An actual medical condition that prevents me from conceiving.
and then i said the next time you tell me to relax i am just going to smack you upside the head. and she never mentioned it again.
(whatwouldjendo.com)
I still can't get over that she said that to you. Unbelievable. It's amazing how clueless people are about infertility. I'm so sorry she said that to you. <3
WOW! Seriously? I had a comment on my facebook wall a little while ago. It was a "casual" church friend. She made a comment on my profile page with my daughter "Love the profile pic. She is getting SO BIG! Doesn't it make ya want ONE more?? You're still YOUNG! ;)"
WTHeck?! I cannot believe she said that to you... I am sorry, some people need to learn how to think before they speak!
Some people just have NO CLUE!!
One thing I've learned....don't let it get to you!! No matter what you do, stupid and rude people will always exist in the world. The only thing you can do is laugh it off and enjoy your life :)
I would respond. I would educate her in a *nice* way and tell her that that is not how it works. People need to be educated and if it's not going to come from "us" then WHO will it come from?! I would say a) what 'jensays' or b) say that actually while trying to conceive naturally it is optimal to have sex every second day especially in the 5 days before and after ovulation. I would also ask where her proof that "it works" comes from. But that's just me :) Hugs to you my dear ...I'd be happy to reply on that FB thread for you! lol
I didn't know whether to laugh or seethe reading this! Both, I suppose. It's well-intentioned ignorance on her part but so frustrating at the same time.
I was once told - seriously - that all I needed to do was leave the curtains open at night so that the moon would come in and influence my cycles. This would magically get me pregnant where 5 years of trying & 1 IVF cycle had failed...
AND to top it off, her info about the sperm counts is also inaccurate! As far as our IF, my dh and I are dealing with male factor infertility-and once he gets up to 6 days or more of abstaining, his numbers start dropping like crazy. every 2-3 days is ideal for his counts! GAH! people like that drive me bonkers!
PS-that was the nicest comment I could think of. ;-)
can I punch her in the face? PLEASE!? Ive been good alllllllll week!?
WOW!! I am completely speechless. Seriously Speechless! I only wish that she was the one who was speechless though. Ugh!
~Aly
www.infertilityoverachievers.com
I think it's time to unfriend someoneeeeeeeeee.
Also- HI! I started following you, and I haven't properly introduced myself - I'm Ashley.
I'm so sorry she said that. Totally uneducated comment, coming off as incredibly hurtful. But please don't take it laying down. Someone in your comments hit the nail on the head- if we don't educate, who will? She needs to know, so she doesn't do it to anyone else.
What a dumb-ahole. I'm appalled by this. This sucks that you had to deal with this crap.
OMG!!!! How frustrating is she? After reading that I just want to punch her in the face. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with her. What can you expect, she a product of her environment. I could say something really nasty about her now but I'm gonna hold my tongue.
She pissed me off the other day with a comment she made on FB, throwing out her backwoods opinion and critizing other for theirseeing the whole picture...And people wonder why I never go home to visit. I don't want to become a MORON!!! **HUGS**
Seriously? I do think you should comment back to her actually - but then, maybe that's not a good idea. Even my own sister, however, made comments like, "I've heard that once you adopt you'll get pregnant and have a baby!" And other such nonsense. And worse (from other people). I'm sorry you have such a clueless aquaintance/friend/what-have-you.
Omg what an idiot! I think you should just send her this link: http://www.babydustdiaries.com/2006/06/how-not-to-support-an-infertile-friend/
Oh.my.gawd!! I'm so sorry that people can say such ignorant things!
Wow! This really irritates me. Some people really should not speak unless they know what they are talking about. And even then most of the time they should just shut up. Clearly she doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm so sorry. :(
My jaw is just hanging open. I continue to be amazed at how stupid and insensitive people can be.
It's SO hard to bite your tongue. My sister pretty much gave the same response when I told her about our struggles - even better, she doesn't HAVE kids yet. I know she meant well, because I'm sure I meant well if and when I ever said it before TTC. But being on the other side of the fence now...it's a huge eye opener.
It's something we cannot expect those who have not traveled the road to "get" or understand. There are times I want to spit out such rude remarks right back like "Oh really, maybe my doctor should consult with you since he's been giving me other advice, like medicine and blood work"
It's frustrating and heartbreaking but sometimes we have to step back and realize they just don't understand and probably never will. We can try to educate but some people are just know it alls.
W.O.W! People are so friggen ignorant! Good for you for sticking up for yourself. Hugs!
Oh wow so sorry that she was totally inconsiderate to you, that was not nice at all!! Oh boy it drives me nuts when people are rude and don't even care about what they are saying how it might effect someone...don't even get me started on that! Hugs for you girl.
Wow, so sorry you had to deal with that! Rude people suck.
thanks for your comment on my blog. HOLY MOLY yours was a doozie too! that is unbelievable. People are so ignorant!
OMG! I didn't even read your post, I just read the facebook fail and jumped right to the comments section. I will go back and read the post, and probably comment again, but I want to seriously hurt someone right now. I thought things like this didn't happen "IRL". This is just shameful!
Big hugs to you!
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