Friday, February 24, 2012

silence...



Sometimes silence is deafening.

For me it is. For me when I cannot express what is going on in my life, what is swirling around in my head, what I think, what I want, I get frustrated. I know I'm not 100%. I know that I need to get happier.

But really...I'm not happy and I don't know what I need to make me happy. Don't get me wrong, I am not a mopey person. I appear happy. I appear normal. I am one of those "fake it till you make it" type of people. So I smile. Not all the time. At home, alone, I can be me. But really...who am I now.

I feel like I'm insanely philosophical for a Friday. I feel like I should just flip a switch and be ok...technically I am ok. I know this. I just want to be happy. But what that happiness consists of, I am not sure...which as you may guess makes getting there even harder.

I'm not sure, I am making a few changes to see if that will get me to where I need to be...if those don't work, I will make a few more...I just want to be happy...

8 comments:

Shannon said...

Bravo to you for being so honest first of all. I am in the same boat as you, but more bi-polar in my happiness and sadness. Happy, then something comes along and SACKS ME for a few days. Sucks. BUT...one thing I learned (forgot where) is when people ask you if you are okay, you should always tell them the truth. Plain and simple. I was always someone who would say "I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm great" even though I wasn't at all. People can't help you unless you let them know you're not wonderful.

I hope you find happiness soon and feel better. Hugs.

michelle said...

*hugs*

Suzy, Not a Fertile Myrtle said...

I'm so sorry you're unhappy right now. That is such a frustrating time when you don't know what exactly is making you unhappy.

Sending you lots of love. Hope you find your happiness very soon.

xo

Stephen Hayes said...

Is it possible that you're happy and don't know it? I'm not saying this because I'm a wiseass, but I've wasted a lot of time not knowing I was happy when I was. Life has taught me that happiness isn't something to be found; it's something to be worked on.

Kristin said...

{{{Hugs}}} I'm sorry you are unhappy right now.

Girlie Blogger said...

You'll get through this tough time. Keep up the writing. It always helps.

kim said...

I've found that happy is a hard emotion to achieve in adulthood. There's always a comparison to some sort of joy in our youth--even if it was fleeting and momentary--that adulthood's many pressures can't seem to let shine through.

I tend to look for contentment instead. I won't ever be happy with everything. There are just too many variables. But I think I can manage contentment.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Sometimes the hardest part is determining what will make you happy. Your raw openness is a beautiful and rare thing. Glad I found your blog! I'll be following along as you find your words.